I love who I am right now
I love who I am right now, and I think it is absurd and tragic but also magical that I am 28 years old and feeling this for the first time. This discomfort and resistance to our true nature is what our society creates for us, but to break free is… intoxicating. If I feel like myself at 28 for the first time, then how much more myself will I feel in 5, 10, 20 years? They make us feel like aging is a curse to rail against so we buy their products, but I just feel myself falling deeper into myself and deeper in love with myself and needing less and less from the world and from things outside of me. It feels fucking good.
I love who I am right now. I love dressing for me. Yesterday, I went to yoga in my Prius and stopped at Whole Foods in my leggings and sports bra, all sweaty with pig tails in. What a fun version of me, possibly a fleeting one. It was a fun persona to pretend, to try on. How often do we actually try on different versions of ourselves? How often do we feel pigeon-holed and type cast in our own lives by the expectations of those around us and internally? How scary is it to break free of what other people expect us to be, but how incredibly exciting and joyous when we are accepted for our courageousness.
I love who I am right now. I love how delicious a breath can be in yoga. I love that I am not considering what is “too much” or “too #extra” and am doing what I like instead. I like wearing the shirt I just bought out of the store. I love eating ginger chews in the empty Bloomingdales with my best friend. I love shoveling frosé in my mouth with a paper straw. I love eating massive amounts of fruit for breakfast. I love who I am right now. I love feeling comfortable in silences. I love talking too much. I love imagining that I am constantly being sprinkled with fairy dust.
I love how much loving myself allows me to love others. I love sharing the fairy dust, I love being kind. I love looking at anger and pain and choosing to hug it, to smother the fire of hurt with a hug. To transmute, to transfigure.
I love who I am right now, and I love how hard I worked to get here.